Thursday, July 29, 2010

sampai dia kembali

aku pikir..
selama ini aku hebat..
aku menghadapi ini sendirian..
aku pikir aku tegak berdiri..
bertahan..

ternyata..
selama ini aku hanya berlari..
aku membawa semua perih ini..
aku tak ingin melepaskannya pergi..
mimpi..

aku pikir..
selama ini yang aku yakini adalah harapan..
ternyata..
itu cuma kenangan..

kenangan yang hanya ada di sudut pikiran..
yang selama kita tak berbuat apa-apa..
dia akan selalu jadi hantu..
yang tak kan pernah jadi kenyataan..

ternyata selama ini aku hanya berlari..
aku kabur dan bersembunyi..
aku tak ingin mimpiku diambil monster itu..
monster benama kenyataan..

selama ini aku hidup dengan bayangan..
bayangan benama yang buatku begitu nyata..
aku menyadarinya..
itu membuat perihnya semakin terasa..

aku bohongi diriku sendiri..
aku coba sekuat hati meyakini mimpi..
mimpi yang kubawa lari..
mimpi jadi tuan putri..

harusnya aku hadapi..
aku tau harusnya aku tak lari..
tapi mimpi ini yang buatku bertahan setiap hari..
cuma ini yang tersisa, yang bisa kumiliki..

aku percaya pangeranku akan datang..
karna bintang akan menuntunnya pulang..
aku percaya hati tak perlu memilih..
karna dia akan selalu tau kemana dia harus kembali..

jadi biarkan aku terus bermimpi..
sampai dia kembali..

Sunday, July 4, 2010

...

speechless. just tears coming down.
i wish all this feeling is gone.

another question, wonder, and jealousy.

it's not about the wound, it's about the scar. the scar give me pain that remain.
sometimes i just can't handle it, i can't stand it.
i swear God, it hurt so much.
i hope i wouldn't feel it anymore.

then now, the scar is blended with the nostalgic.
i want you to know, that it's start to killing me.
day by day it's killing me softly, gently, but sure.
i don't know do you feel the same.
i have no idea are you suffer as much as i feel or not.
i'm even don't know are you thinking of me or at least remember me for a while when you be with her.
i'm thinking of it in a lot of my time, and get hurt in every time i did it.
i don't know have you ever care. i don't know.

maybe it's better if i don't know all of it because the answer may hurt me much deeper.
i realize it, but i can't stop asking, i can't stop wondering.
i just hope can feel better but i don't know how.

Friday, July 2, 2010

what do you do?

what do you do when you're miss someone, but have nothing to deal with it?
when you can't say it..
when you can't hug him..
when you can't make him to stay..

what do you do when you're still love someone, but everything you do can't make him turn back?
when you say that you love him, but he can't say that he love you too..
when you hug him, but all he can do is cry..
when you always in love alone..

what do you do?
tell me what i'm supposed to do?